What I Need
by xTroublesomePersonx
Summary: One-shot. There were those, who had let it slip that they thought Euphemia had chosen Suzaku to be her Knight entirely for her own, very personal needs. While it pained her to give those kinds of people any sort of credit, she eventually had to admit to herself that perhaps, they hadn't been entirely wrong. Suzaku/Euphemia.


_**What I Need**_

**A/N: Oh man, I never actually thought that I would write for this fandom. I wasn't even sure that I liked Code Geass at all, until I recently re-watched it all in just a few days, and now, of course, I love it. And Suzaku and Euphemia are just the cutest couple! I'm still upset about Euphie's death from the first time I watched it, though, and sitting through it a second time was just straight up distressing – I know her death was necessary for the story to progress and all, but still… WHY? Dx  
**

**Anyway, back to the fic. The story takes place sometime after Euphie has made Suzaku her Knight, but before the school festival. I haven't really written any of these more mature fics before (except for one for another fandom, which I have yet to publish, since my old computer decided to die on me…), but I thought that I'd give it a try. This is basically just fluff and smut without much of a real plot to it. We all fall victim to it sometimes, don't we? Enjoy!**

_**XXX**_

Euphie would never forget the day that she made Suzaku Kururugi her Knight.

There had been such an uproar from the Britannian people when she had announced that she had chosen him for that position. Especially from the noblemen, who considered him to be unworthy of the title. They had all said so harsh things, not just about him, but about her as well.

During the ceremony, she had kept her gaze fixed on Suzaku, refusing to acknowledge that the room buzzed with mumbling, bitter voices. She particularly remembered one of the rude comments that had been made. _"How on earth did that guy manage to win her favor?"_ someone had asked incredulously. _"Well, even a princess has needs, right?" _someone else answered crudely, causing snickering to erupt from everyone standing around him.

At the time, Euphie had simply considered whoever the man was to be an ignorant snob. Yet, as time went on, she started to think that perhaps that person had not been completely wrong about her motives. Only, she hadn't realized it until much later.

Of course, she knew that her motives for choosing Suzaku as a whole were far more complex than anyone could ever begin to comprehend. Sure, she liked him, but there was so much more to it than that. The feelings that she harbored towards him rested on the personal, intellectual connection that she felt that she had to him. She felt that they truly understood each other's views on the world. He might even be the only one who fully agreed with her approach to it.

But as time passed, Euphie slowly realized that it wasn't just about that connection on the intellectual level anymore – she came to realize that she was actually attracted to him on a physical level as well. She wasn't entirely sure when she had recognized her attraction to him. Over time, she had just slowly felt herself becoming more and more drawn to him. At first, it was only subtle signs. When she stood close to him, she couldn't help her gaze from gravitating towards his lips. If he escorted her somewhere by hand, she took just a little too long to let him go. And the rare kiss that he would place on the back of her hand simply out of propriety made her cheeks turn bright red.

Just walking next to him had her in a bit of a tizz. As Suzaku followed her back to her room after a late-night meeting, Euphie found herself constantly looking at him, blushing whenever he caught her looking and smiled back at her. "Is everything alright, Your Highness?" he asked, brushing her elbow with one hand. "You seem to have something on your mind."

Euphie fidgeted with her dress, his light touch distracting her even more. "You know, you really can just call me Euphie," she told him with a small smile, turning slightly towards him, so that more of his hand touched her arm.

Suzaku chuckled. "Oh, right. I keep forgetting." He squeezed her elbow teasingly before letting go of her arm. "I'm sorry. _Euphie_."

The way that he said her nickname with such fondness made her blush. "Suzaku…" Once she was able to look away from him again, she realized that they had made it to her room. The sight of her door caused a feeling of disappointment to settle in her stomach. It always appeared much too soon.

As they skidded to a stop outside her door, Suzaku turned to her. "Alright, here we are," he announced. "I'll bid you goodnight here." He bowed slightly before her, with one arm bent over his stomach. "Unless there's something else that you need from me?"

Euphie bit her lip. There it was again. _What I need… _She looked tentatively at his face, her mind flooding with thoughts of right and wrong, good and bad... She was an Imperial Princess. He was her Knight. Not to mention, she was a Britannian of the highest possible rank, and he was an Eleven. It was completely inappropriate. An absolute outrage. But, it was as she'd heard whispered snidely back then. Even a Britannian Imperial Princess had needs.

Suzaku watched at her with a questioning look in his green eyes, seemingly waiting for her to give him an order to do something or take his leave. He was standing right there in front of her, this handsome, kind, wonderful man, whom she trusted, cared about, and simply just… _needed_. She couldn't help it. Or, rather, she didn't want to hold back anymore.

Not bothering to answer his question with words, Euphie stepped forward. He looked at her in perplexity, as she gently placed one hand over his heart, smiled shyly up at him, and then, leaned up on her toes to touch her lips to his.

The kiss was innocent enough, but still, the feeling of his warm lips against hers, the taste that was so uniquely him, sent her head spinning, and she tangled her fingers in his jacket so as to keep from floating away. It only lasted for a moment, but she was nonetheless relieved to find that he did not pull away before she did. Still holding on to him for support, she lowered herself back onto the soles of her feet, and turned her eyes upward to meet his. She was a bit amused to see the part baffled, part embarrassed, and part delighted expression on his face.

"E-Euphie…" Suzaku clearly didn't know how to respond. "What are you…" He looked at her, then at her hand, and then around them. "This is…" A blush started to creep up on his cheeks. "I… We… That…" Euphie couldn't help giggling a little at his sweet bewilderment. The sight of her laughing seemingly sent him into an even deeper confusion. "I… Euphie, please tell me what to do," he finally muttered, hiding his red cheeks in his hands.

Euphie let her giggles trail off. Then she gently removed his hands from his face again, holding them with both of hers. He only reluctantly met her eyes again. Her gaze trailed lovingly over his face, the tan, sun-kissed skin now tinted with his pinkish blush, the fine lips, the kind, green eyes, the strands of brown hair dipping over his forehead. She had never wanted to give in to whoever had whispered those words back then, but she knew that they were true. There was a part of her that desired him. A very big part, in fact. And if she wasn't mistaken, he desired her, too. "Suzaku…" She bit her lip. "Can you stay here tonight?" As the audacious words left her mouth, Euphie couldn't help blushing quite furiously herself, but she kept her eyes focused on his.

Suzaku's eyes widened at her request. He stared at her for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to make of it. Then his eyes drifted towards her door next to them. "Stay here?" he repeated, a doubtful tone to his voice. "You mean… out here, to guard the door?"

Euphie chewed lightly on her bottom lip. She almost smiled at his very courteous interpretation of her words. It was so very typical of him. It did, however, force her to tell him what she meant that much more bluntly. Forcing herself to keep looking straight at him, she slowly shook her head. "No… I don't mean stay out here," she clarified, the blush on her cheeks deepening. "I mean…" Her hands quivered lightly around his. "Stay in the room. With me. Tonight."

At that, Suzaku visibly stiffened. He slowly pried his eyes off of the wall beside them to look at her, complete and utter bafflement written on his features. "But… Euphie…" Looking into her eyes, he flushed almost all the way to his ears. "That's…" He seemed to search for the word that he wanted to apply to the situation for a moment. "It's… not appropriate," he finally choked out. She didn't answer, but just kept on looking at him, trying to convey to him that she was serious. After a while, he looked away. "I…" He paused, hesitating for a long moment, his gaze darting up towards the ceiling and settling there. "I'm… I'm not worthy," he finally mumbled, removing his hands from her hold and letting them fall to his sides.

Euphie's eyebrows drew together in surprise. "Not worthy?"

Suzaku didn't answer right away. Euphie noticed how his hands balled together into fists at his sides. "I'm not…" When he finally spoke, there was an edge to his voice, and he gulped. "I'm not a Prince, or a noble, or some other type of gentleman. I'm not even a Britannian. I'm just… I'm just an Honorary Britannian… Just… nothing…"

Euphie placed her hands on her hips in a demanding manner. "What are you talking about?"

"I just…" Suzaku closed his eyes, as if he was somehow in pain. "Euphie… I'm eternally grateful to you for believing in me… even enough to make me your Knight… despite of all the backlash that you've received from it… But please…" His fists tightened. "Don't… I don't want to take up any more of your kindness… I-I don't deserve it."

"That's absurd!" At Euphie's outburst, Suzaku's eyes only shot even tighter at her upset tone. "I haven't chosen you because I think that you need to earn my kindness in any way. I've chosen you because it's you that I want. I _want_ you to be my Knight, I want you to be the one to…" Shyness got the better of her, and her voice trailed off. Clearing her throat, she continued in a lower voice. "I don't want you to think of our time together in this way…" Her hands dropped from her hips, and her gaze fell from his. "None of those superficial things matter to me. I just… want to be near you. I care about you."

Both of them were quiet for a long time. Then, finally, Suzaku spoke. "I care about you, too," he practically whispered, his voice laden with emotion.

She dared peek up at him again. His face was lightly contorted from holding in whatever emotion he was experiencing. His eyes were fixated on his shoes.

"Then, in that case…" she said slowly, reaching for his hand again. He didn't reach out for hers, but didn't pull back, either. "If we care about each other…" She managed a small, cautious smile. "Shouldn't it be fine for you to stay with me for tonight?"

Suzaku shifted his weight from one foot to another. "I… But…" He was still hesitant. "Wouldn't you prefer someone… better?" he asked. She couldn't help noticing with just a hint of happiness that the mentioning of her wanting someone else immediately pulled the corners of his mouth downwards.

"No, silly," she said, her smile widening. She gently tapped his chest with a finger. "I want _you_. You're the one that I care about, remember?" Her fingers spread out, so that the whole palm of her hand now rested against his chest. "And… I trust you."

She could feel his resistance crumbling. "I… don't have any experience with this sort of thing," he muttered.

Her hand crawled up to rest against his cheek. "We'll figure it out together," she promised. "Just like we always do."

And finally, finally he looked up at her. His clear, green eyes stared into hers, calm and resolved. "Okay," he said, that one little, often inconsequential word suddenly having all the weight in the world. Looking into his eyes, Euphie felt her stomach fill up with fluttering butterflies. She wrapped the hand that rested on his cheek around his neck, as she once again rose on her toes to touch her lips to his. This time, he didn't freeze, but instead eagerly met her lips and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him.

If Euphie thought that it had been exciting to kiss him before, it was nothing compared to how it felt this time. She quickly wrapped both arms tightly around his neck, as she pressed her lips harder against his, savoring the feel of his warm skin against hers and the sweet taste of his lips. She felt as if they could've remained there forever, wrapped in each other's' arms, but before she was even close to letting go, Suzaku pulled away. "What is it?" she whispered, their faces still close together, foreheads leaning against each other.

"I'm afraid that someone might see us out here," he mumbled back. "I know that you said that you don't care about the formalities, but someone else might…"

"You're always so careful," she told him with a warm smile. "But you're probably right. Let's go inside, then." At her suggestion, Suzaku seemed to hesitate, but she just grabbed his hand and pulled him with her, giggling a bit when he stumbled after her into her room.

Closing the door behind her with a soft click, Euphie found that they were suddenly engulfed in darkness. She wondered if she should turn on the light, but with a quick look around her, she was reminded that the windows in her room faced out into the courtyard, so someone on the other side of it might be able to see them. Most of the offices were located on the other side. That meant that Cornelia of all people might be able to look into the room, if she was in her office. Euphie absent-mindedly chewed on her bottom lip again.

The small pause that occurred as a result of her thinking it over suddenly made the whole situation seem that much more real. She looked at Suzaku standing before her. He was now staring at the windows, like she had been just a moment before, likely mulling over the risk like she had. With him preoccupied, Euphie let her eyes wander, following his hand up to his arm, to his chest, his hips, his thighs… Her breath caught in her throat, as she really _looked_ at him in for the first time. She had always been aware that he was an attractive man, but this was the first time that she really let herself appreciate it. He was, no matter how she looked at it, very sexy. Suddenly, she felt quite nervous. Not she regretted what she had initiated. But it was unnerving.

After a moment, Suzaku turned back to her, and she sent him a timid smile, trying not to let him see her anxiousness. The silence stretched on between them, filling the air with a light tension. Euphie started to feel awkward, standing there like that, none of them making a move to bridge the gap between them.

She heard Suzaku let out a small sigh. For a moment, she feared that he had succumbed to crippling anxiety as well, but then he spoke. "Euphie, can you… maybe draw the curtains?" he asked almost apologetically. "I know you think I'm being too careful, but I don't… I mean, if somebody sees us in here… it would be... not so ideal."

Euphie nodded, releasing her bottom lip from the tight hold of her teeth. "Sure," she answered. "Just give me a second." She walked over to the windows, but then stopped and turned back to the door. Suzaku sent her a questioning look. "I should probably lock this just in case," she explained, and he nodded. She turned the key and removed it from the lock, laying it on top of her dresser. Turning back to the windows, she drew the curtains shut in a soft, swooshing motion. The thick material quickly shut out the light. Suzaku didn't leave his place by the door, probably wary of being anywhere within sight from anyone who happened to look into the room just then.

With the shutting of the curtains, the room fell completely dark. Euphie could suddenly hear her own heart beating just a little bit faster than usual in her chest. It was as if the locked door and the thick curtains absorbed all of the sound of the room. Slowly turning on the spot, she blinked into the darkness. She could just about make out Suzaku's silhouette by the door. "Okay…" she said uncertainly in a low voice. "We should be good now." She thought she could see his head nod in agreement.

Despite it being her own room, the darkness made it difficult to orient herself. Euphie cautiously made her way back to Suzaku, fumbling for the wall or her furniture or anything she could latch onto to hold herself upright. Her heart beat hard against her ribs. She feared that she wasn't the only one who could hear it. She let out a nervous laugh, slowly stumbling towards him. "It's… kind of hard to see anything in here now…" She licked her lips. "Do you think you can… oh!"

Her toe stubbed against one of the elaborate rugs on her floor, and she felt herself fall forwards, her hands flailing to catch on the something. But then warmth engulfed her, as Suzaku graciously stepped forward to catch her, smoothly pulling her to her feet again. She grabbed a hold of his neck to support herself. A few strands of her hair had leapt over her shoulder, and she blew them out of her face in embarrassment. "Are you alright?" he breathed, his face just above hers, his green eyes glinting, warmth breath tickling the top of her head.

"Yes… thank you." Flustered, she hid her face from his view, pressing her cheek against his chest. Her fingers tightened nervously around his neck. Her heart raced agitatedly against her ribs. She snuggled closer to him, refusing to give into the feelings of uneasiness rushing through her. She buried her nose in his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent in order to remind herself that this was Suzaku. It wasn't some stranger; it was her Knight. The one who always protected her. Always there to catch her. From when they met for the very first time until now. The thought curled her lips into a small smile. She could trust him completely.

She pulled away from his chest to peer up at him. He was looking down at her, the hint of a smile on his lips as well. "Suzaku…" Finding comfort in his smile, she forced herself to keep smiling back at him without giving her nervousness away. "Kiss me."

It was hard for her to miss the quiet gasp as he pulled air into his lungs at her blunt request. Nodding slightly, he lowered his head to hers, and touched his lips against hers, then pulled away the slightest bit. She felt one of his hands move from the small of her back to rest right under her chin, moving her head slightly upwards, so he had better access to her lips, before he kissed her again. Drawing in a shaky breath, Euphie rose to her toes and readily kissed him back, clutching his shirt with one hand and his hair with the other. The way his lips moved so tenderly against hers was enough to calm her, and she sighed, her mouth falling slightly open. She felt his tongue probing at it, gliding across her bottom lip, and then suddenly sliding into her mouth. Another sigh escaped her at the hot, slick, sweet sensation of their tongues intertwining, starting to dance in and out of each other's mouths.

As their kiss deepened, Suzaku's hand slipped from under her chin, trailing goosebumps down her back, before hooking under her knees and stealing her feet from under her. She broke the kiss as she let out a small, surprised, almost giddy gasp at suddenly being lifted into the air, and he patiently waited while she caught her breath again. After a moment, she pressed her lips to his once more, now entangling both of her hands in his hair, letting the silky strands run through them. She was so lost in the sensations that flooded through her at the kiss, the warmth of his skin on hers, the softness of his hair, the taste of him, and the sweet teasing movements of his tongue that she almost didn't notice that he moved towards her bed with her in his arms, before she felt him slowly lower her onto the covers.

To her surprise, he suddenly broke free of their kiss and stood back up instead of lying down on the covers with her. The reason for that, however, soon dawned on her, as she heard him start to undo the tassels that held his sword to his side. He carefully lifted the sword up and leaned it against a nook in the wall. After a moment, she felt the weight of the bed shift under her, as he climbed onto the bed himself, placing himself right above her balancing on hands and knees.

Her heart started to race as she looked up into his eyes from her sprawled out position beneath him. His green orbs sparkled in the darkness, and his warmth breath tickled her skin. The fabric of his trousers brushed against her legs. She fretfully licked her lips, reminding herself once again that there was nothing to be scared of. Forcing her hand not to tremble, she reached up to rest her hand on his neck and gently tugged him towards her. He willingly followed, carefully lowering himself down on to his elbows to meet her lips again.

His sweet kisses soon distracted her from her nervousness again, and she relaxed a bit. With a contented sigh, she let her hands wander over his neck, his back, and his chest, feeling the different materials in his uniform under her fingertips. She tried to slip her hand under his shirt, but the material was wound too tight, and her hand immediately got stuck. She almost had to yank it out again to free it. At the sudden forceful movement, Suzaku pulled back in surprise, a few long strands of her hair which had gotten stuck in his sleeve following after. Euphie fretfully propped herself up on her elbows, and the two of them engaged in an awkward detangling of her hair.

Brushing the now free strands behind her back, Euphie's cheeks burned. "Can I… Can I turn on some light?" she blurted out in embarrassment. "I… I feel weird not being able to see you at all."

"Right, of course, but…" Suzaku hesitated for a moment. "Won't someone be able to spot us from the outside if we do that?" he asked worriedly.

Euphie shook her head. "If I just turn on the bedside lamp, no one will be able to see anything."

"Alright." She felt him stretch out over her, his shirt brushing the tip of her nose, as he reached for the small, decorative lamp on her beside table. "This one, right?" He fumbled for the switch for a second, before the light bulb turned on, shedding a dim, yellow light on them.

Euphie blinked a few times, letting her eyes adjust to the light again. Suzaku stayed perched over her, once again on his hands and knees. She saw with some relief that a small blush tinted his cheeks as well. That meant that she wasn't the only one feeling a bit self-conscious about the situation. With an embarrassed smile, she brushed all of her hair to one side and let it fall out over the headrest to get it out of the way. Then she slowly lowered herself down on to her back again. She stared timidly up into his eyes, suddenly very aware of their now very visible, compromising position.

He sat patiently above her, watching her intently. The way he looked at her sent her heart flying. Without really meaning to, she found herself reaching up to touch his cheek. He leaned his head into her hand, his eyes fluttering close at her soft touch. She didn't think that she had ever seen him like this before, so completely at ease, ready to shut off his senses, even for just a moment. He was usually so alert, always on the lookout for danger. His courage inspired her, and she slid the hand around his neck and pulled his face down towards hers again, her mouth rising to meet his. He seemed a bit hesitant at first, only pressing a soft peck to her lips. After a quick look at her face, he seemed to regain his confidence and captured her lips with his more fully. She willingly deepened their kiss, and soon she was lost in the sensation again.

The dim light from the bedside lamp made her feel more comfortable in touching him, and she let her hands roam around his body a bit more freely. She mapped out his broad shoulders, his firm back, and his muscular arms with their fingers, feeling the contours of his frame beneath his clothes. This was the first time that she really allowed herself to touch him, even if it was over his clothes. If she really wanted to touch him, though, she would have to get rid of them.

Wrapping her fingers around the edges of his open jacket, Euphie slowly started to pull it down his shoulders, but was confused when Suzaku suddenly pulled back as if to stop her. At least he didn't take any hair with him this time. "Wait, wait…" he breathed, leaning back onto his heels. She propped herself up on one elbow and eyed him curiously. Then she realized that he was carefully removing the Knight's emblem she had given him as a token of her favor from the front of the jacket. He flashed her a somewhat embarrassed smile as he held the emblem up before her. "Sorry, I just don't want anything to happen to this..." Her eyebrows rose at the sight of how lovingly he looked at the emblem and then at her, something melting inside her. "This. You gave this to me," he said with an unmistakable warmth to his voice, her heart practically swelling up at the sound. "And it, well… It's my most prized possess…"

She didn't let him finish the sentence, before she practically sprung up and crashed her lips against his for a long, deep kiss. His surprise at her sudden eagerness was apparent, as his lips only gradually responded to hers, his arms moving uncertainly around her back, one hand still holding the emblem. Its sharp edges lightly scratched her skin. "Euphie, what…" he tried to ask, when she pulled back to catch her breath, but she just smiled and caught his lips with hers again.

With a tight hold of his jacket, she pulled him back on top of her without breaking the kiss. Although still seeming perplexed, he let her steer his body down on top of hers, one hand fumbling for the nightstand. Pulling his lips away from hers for a moment, he reached out to put the emblem on it. She took the opportunity to place a set of kisses along his neck, enjoying the slight shiver that ran through him at her touch. She soon pulled his lips back to hers, and with the emblem out of the way, he willingly deepened the kiss.

She affectionately ran her hand through his hair again, letting the silky strands slip through her fingers. Continuing down to his neck, she lovingly traced the soft skin beneath the collar of his jacket. Knowing just how much he appreciated her, she felt more confident in touching him. She tugged at his jacket again, pulling it off his shoulders. This time, he let her slide it off of him as much as she could, finally lifting himself away from her for a moment to pull it all of the way off.

As soon as he had lost the jacket, she proceeded to take off the red vest crisscrossing over his torso, quickly undoing it and pulling it down his shoulders, leaving it to him to get it all the way off. While he shed it, she quickly pulled off her own long sleeves and tossed them to the floor. Lips crashing together again, she searched for the outlines of his shirt. Her hands roamed around on the outside of his shirt, trying to find the buttons that held it together, but it was apparently a very complicated piece of clothing, because she simply couldn't figure out how to get it off of him. Too distracted to fully engage in their kissing, she pulled away from him to frown at the garment in front of her. Realizing what she was staring at, Suzaku let out a chuckle and quickly unfastened the shirt with a few, effective moves.

His chuckle almost turned into a full laugh, as he heard her let out a sigh at the sight of yet another shirt coming into view underneath. She eyed the next shirt with a frown, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. She could see at least one more sticking up beneath it.

"Suzaku, can you..." Euphie hesitated, a blush rapidly heating up her cheeks at the request she was about to make. "Can you, uhm, maybe…" She bit her lip, trying to find the least offensive way of phrasing it, "…disrobe?"

As if it was contagious, a blush immediately spread to cover Suzaku's cheeks as well. "Oh, uhm…" He looked down at himself, then at her, and gulped. "Okay."

Without looking at her, Suzaku moved to stand on the floor beside the bed and started removing first one shirt, and then the next, slowly dropping them onto the floor one by one. Sitting up, Euphie couldn't stop herself from staring at his naked chest as it came into view. Still refusing to look at her, he took off his boots and socks, and then started undoing his trousers. Despite knowing that she had just asked him to do this, she was surprised to find that the sight almost scared her. Blushing scarlet, she looked away from him as well. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him step out of his trousers and push them aside with one foot. He looked down at his boxers with a dubious frown, but seemed to decide to leave them on for the time being.

Concentrating very hard on keeping her eyes on his face, Euphie didn't realize at first that Suzaku seemed be to be hesitating to lie back down in the bed with her. He suddenly seemed very uncomfortable, his posture rigid, his hands curled into fists, and his eyes fixated on the floor. She cautiously reached out, brushing her fingers over one of his fists. He seemed almost startled at her touch. "Suzaku…?" she whispered, her fingers lingering over his. He nodded stiffly, but didn't answer her. Almost cautiously, he sat down at the far end of the bed across from her, folding his legs neatly beneath his body. Both of their faces burned with the embarrassment of his suddenly, near-naked form. His face had an almost pained expression, and Euphie suspected that he was in the middle of an internal argument with himself over the sheer inappropriateness of the situation. Without really meaning to, she took the opportunity that his hesitancy provided to let herself, just this once, shamelessly admire his body. Her gaze followed every curve of the well-defined muscles on his tan shoulders, arms, and stomach, all of them meticulously shaped by years of hard training. She sank hard, her mouth suddenly feeling dry.

Suzaku was still immobilized by whatever was holding him back and didn't look like he was going to pick up where they left off by himself. Not wanting to sit in the increasingly tensing silence for much longer, Euphie took the matter into her own hands, reaching up to undo the button of the small jacket covering her shoulders. She pulled it down her arms and tossed it to the floor. It landed with a sense of irrevocability on top of his clothes. Taking a deep breath, she peered up at him, trying to lock eyes with him. He was still refusing to meet her gaze, staring down at his hands, which were now tightly clasped around his knees. His posture was rigid, making him look extremely uncomfortable. The uneasiness he exuded made her eyebrows draw together in a frown.

Unwinding herself from her seated position, she crawled closer to him, only stopping when her face was directly in front of his. It took a few moments of her staring up at him beneath his bangs, but he finally turned his head to look at her, his expression extremely conflicted. She wondered if he was simply embarrassed to sit in front of her like this, or if it was something more. After all, he had just told her that he didn't think himself worthy of being with her. The thought of him speaking so ill of himself tugged at her heart, and she slid closer to him, pulling her legs up beneath her, and placed a soft, lingering kiss on his shoulder. His skin was so warm, comfortably heating up her lips. Looking up at him, she placed another one on his collarbone. And then one more on his neck. Despite his still frozen posture, a telling trail of goosebumps followed her kisses. Encouraged by this, she placed yet another kiss on his arm, then one more on his neck, and, bending down a bit, brushed her lips over first his chest, and then his stomach…

And then they were suddenly kissing excitedly once again, wound together in a tight embrace. She let her hands explore his torso, running it up and down his back, his chest, and his arms in long motions. The warmth of his skin left her fingers tingling. His arms held onto her tight, the tips of his fingers trailing over the bare skin on her back, leaving tiny shivers in their wake. They kept brushing against the fabric of her dress, but as soon as they neared the zipper, they quickly darted away again. It was so like him to be this cautious. Her chivalrous Knight, always so very protective of her.

With this in mind, Euphie suspected that he wouldn't dare unzip her dress. She would have to do it herself. Reaching one hand under her arm, she slowly pulled down the dress' zipper and immediately felt it starting to loosen around her. Holding on to Suzaku for dear life with the other hand, she let the fabric slide down over her breasts and pool around her hips.

At first, Suzaku didn't seem to notice that the top half of her dress had come down. Only when she leaned closer to press her chest to his did she feel him jump at the sudden skin-to-skin contact, and he instantly jerked away from her as if startled.

He stared at her face for a long moment, before his eyes very slowly trailed downwards. She heard a low whooshing as air was pulled into his lungs. "Euphie…" She fought the instinct to cover up her now naked breasts, as he took in her bare chest, a furious blush erupting on his face at the sight. He reached out a hand, as if he wanted to touch the now exposed skin on her chest, but then withdrew it again, awkwardly looking away and scratching the top of his head.

Seeing that he was seemingly frozen once more, she shimmied a bit further away from him and leaned back, so that she was once again lying down. Holding out a trembling hand, she beckoned for him to follow her. After a moment's wavering, he timidly crawled after her, lowering himself down so that his body was once again hovering over hers. As his face dipped down towards her, she could feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks from the still fiery blush coloring them. Fighting her own bashfulness, she sent him what she hoped served as a reassuring smile. "Will you…" Again, she found it difficult to get such blunt words over her lips, but she forced herself to just spit them out. "Will you remove my dress?"

Nervously, he looked away from her again, licking his lips. The hand resting by her side knit into a tight fist for a moment and then relaxed again as he slowly nodded. Before making any moves to fulfill her request, however, he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers a few more times. She happily kissed him back, a comfortable shiver trailing down her spine, as she felt one of his hands glide down the small of her back, the other gliding beneath her and lifting her bum, so that he could slide the dress down her hips, her legs, and her feet. The fabric fluttered to the floor like a cloud, landing in a perfect, ruffled circle next to the rest of their clothes. Her breath catching in her throat, Euphie broke the kiss and turned her eyes upwards to meet Suzaku's eyes again. His face was, if possible, even redder now, but he was looking at her. "Euphie…" he mumbled, something thick to his voice. "I can't… I'm just…" Embarrassed, he bowed his head, his forehead coming to rest on her collarbone, his hair tickling her neck. "Euphie, you're… beautiful," he finally mumbled into her skin, his words and warmth breath causing another shiver to rush through her. "I'm sorry, I can't be more… I don't have any better words right now… I'm useless, forgive me."

"No, Suzaku… You're not." How could she even begin to convey to him that she completely understood? She herself were lost for words. She slowly curled her arms around him, letting her fingers run through the soft curls at the nape of his neck. A contented sigh escaped from him at her touch.

After a moment, she felt him starting to place soft kisses to the skin of her neck, the front of her shoulders, and her collarbone. She had to catch a breath as he moved downwards to gently touch a few kisses to her breasts. The sensation was entirely pleasurable, but almost too overwhelming, and she slid down a bit, so that their faces were once again on the same level and caught his lips with hers. She kissed him tenderly, savoring the sweet taste of his tongue against hers. The skin of his chest burned comfortably against her own, and she draped her shins over the small of his back, wanting to feel his heat over the rest of body as well. Her eyes flew open, as his hips came down to touch hers, and she felt an unmistakable hardness brush against her thigh. The realization of his desire made heat pool beneath her legs, and she wrapped her shins tighter against him, pulling him down to her. As she pressed him close to her crotch, a moan escaped his mouth, and his hands gripped the sheet tightly on either side of her. She was surprised at how overtly satisfying it felt to be pressed against him like this, and she involuntary lifted her hips a little, trying to increase the pressure. At this, he made an almost strangled sound and tore his lips off of hers, his eyes tightly shut, and his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe.

Worried that she might have done something wrong, she started to release her legs from his back. She was surprised, however, when one of his hands flew up to grab the underside of her knee, cradling her leg close to his side. Catching his breath, he dived down to kiss her again, carefully draping her leg over his back again, his hand sliding all the way down the back of her thigh, over her bum and around her hip. She excitedly kissed him back, slightly moving against him to cause those pleasurable sparks in her core from the friction. The tips of his fingers began to make teasing passes over her hips and thighs, barely hooking beneath the hem of her underwear. The intimate touches sent her flying, and she clasped her hand tightly around his, guiding his fingers to take hold of the panties, and then pushed it down, encouraging him to remove them. At her suddenly very bold movements, he broke their kiss to stare down at her, his eyes seeking her approval. She just smiled back at him, pushing his hand and her panties a little further down to let him know that she wanted him to continue. With a slight nod of his head, he slowly started to pull them down, his eyes locked with hers the entire time. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest, blood rushing in her ears.

Sliding the last remaining item of clothing over her feet, Suzaku swiftly climbed out of the bed. He graciously placed it on top of her dress as if it was a holy sacrifice. He then proceeded to take off his boxers and place them on the pile as well, before sliding back into the bed with her. He slowly lowered his body back onto hers bit by bit, intently watching her face, as if to make sure that he wasn't moving too fast. She just let him go at his own pace, her eyes widening at the strange, but very good sensation of now having all of his uncovered skin touching all of her bare skin. He didn't press against her like before, but simply rested, letting her get used to the feeling of him. Her body had gone almost limp, the many different, wonderful sensations completely overwhelming her senses. Her heart was galloping, making her breath come out in small, quick gasps. He trailed a few kisses down her neck and shoulder, his eyes still turned upwards to monitor her reaction. With a trembling hand, she reached out to brush the backs of her fingers against his face and then let it drop back limply on the bed beside her. Their eyes locked together, and they both gulped at the same time, then smiled self-consciously at each other.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Euphie resolutely slid her body downwards until her hips were directly below his. In response, Suzaku cautiously pushed his hips towards hers, nestling himself right at her center. The intimate touch set off a wet, comfortable fire in the bottom of her core. His eyes nervously scoured her face. "Are you ready?" he asked in a strained voice, his whole body going rigid.

She slowly nodded. "Yes," she whispered, unable to raise her voice any further. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt almost faint. Sensing that she wasn't the only one feeling hazy, she asked back, "Are you?"

He nodded as well, albeit a little worriedly. "You have to tell me if I'm hurting you," he suddenly blurted out, staring at her in a serious, slightly panicky way. "I don't want to cause you any harm."

Euphie blinked in surprise, but then her face lit up in a smile. This was Suzaku, after all. She should've known that he would say such a thing at a moment like this. "I promise," she whispered. Trying to snuff out the last bit of his concern, she added, "It'll be all right. I trust you."

Taking a deep breath, he leaned down on his hands to kiss her again. She touched her hands to his torso above her, resting her palms gently against his upper chest. She could feel his heart beating beneath one palm. The rapid rhythm matched the one of her own heart. Knowing that he was just as nervous as her somehow calmed her down a bit. They really _were_ in this together.

As soon as she relaxed a bit against him, she felt his hips press against her. The raw, yet satisfying feeling of him slowly entering her made her eyes fly open, and she forced herself to stay relaxed, so as not to tense up. She turned her face away from his to try and catch her breath, which was sticking in her throat. The emblem shone at her from its place on her nightstand, encouraging her to find her breath again.

At her shocked reaction and the gush of air being pulled sharply back into her lungs, she felt him pause, holding himself still inside of her. "Euphie, am I…" She didn't let him finish his sentence, but quickly pulled his neck closer to breathe her request into his ear. "Please don't stop." After a moment's hesitation, he slowly started again. The sensation that rushed through her when he slowly began to move inside of her was unlike any other she had ever experienced. As he moved, the initial ache started to subside a bit, and little flecks of pleasure alighted in her core. She released her tight hold of his neck and turned her head to peer up at him. He was still looking at her, and still in a worried way. She smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and the worry in his eyes lessened a bit.

Gradually, his movements became faster along with his breathing. The first painfulness she had felt had almost subsided, leaving a growing pleasure in its wake. She felt herself starting to move with him to increase that pleasure, causing him to let out a moan. He seemed to give up on watching her and lowered himself so that his whole body was lying on top of her, all of their skin touching, his lips caressing her ear in between sighs.

With their bodies so close together, and her arching into his movements, he was able to thrust more deeply into her, and she gasped when he hit a particularly good spot. Almost instinctively, she lifted her hips a bit more towards his, jagged breaths leaving her mouth each time he hit that same spot. "Keep going," she managed to breathe out. She felt him nod slightly against her shoulder, as always so focused on trying to fulfill her wishes, even in this very heated moment. She melted into him, burying her nose in his hair to place a long kiss on the side of his head, _I love you, Suzaku, _before she had to pull back to catch her breath.

She was starting to feel a bit light-headed from her rapid breathing and the sparks lighting up in her core, as if to start a fire, but even as her mind started to fog, her body was more alert than ever. Her hips reached for him, pulling him deeper inside, eliciting a series of moans from him. She caressed the back of his calves with her feet, intertwining their legs as much as possible to draw him even closer in. Her hands roamed freely around his body, trailing around his neck, over his shoulders, and down his back, snaking slowly down his spine to his tailbone.

At every deeper thrust, the sparks led a scorching, throbbing, pleasurable heat to build within her. It rushed fast through her every vein, setting everything on fire. She heard herself breathe out a small whimper. The fire had quickly spread to every fiber of her body. Another whine left her. She could feel it. It was going to consume her. And she was going to let it. Throwing her arms tightly around his neck, she leaned her face against his shoulder, and closed her eyes tightly, bracing herself for impact, her whole body starting to writhe in agonizing pleasure.

"Suzaku!" His name left her lips in a strangled moan, as the fire finally engulfed her, and she tensed around him, her nails digging into his skin as she let herself fall into the void. Above her, he, too, let out a gurgled groan, and she felt him press her deep down onto the mattress in a long, rough motion, his mouth pressing hard against her shoulder, as he joined her in oblivion.

Euphie's body was still tingling, when Suzaku lifted his head from her shoulder and peered down at her with cloudy eyes. As his skin lifted from hers, she suddenly noticed the fine coat of sweat that covered both of their bodies. With the disappearance of his warmth, the sweat on her skin made her shiver, and she curled up on her side to preserve her warmth. He soon lay down beside her, pulling a blanket over them both and drawing her close.

"Are you alright?" he asked, stuffing the edges of the blanket under her, careful not to tug at her hair. "You're not cold?"

She snuggled closer to him and shook her hair. "I'm good," she whispered. _Very good, _she thought to herself, nuzzling her nose against his chest. He touched a kiss to her forehead and wound an arm around her, cradling her gently against him, and she sighed contentedly.

"I wish it could always be like this," she mumbled into his chest.

After a long moment, she heard him mumble back, "So do I."

Her hand knit into a loose fist. "Suzaku, I…" Nervous anticipation built in her stomach. "I want us to be together. I know right now, it isn't possible, but… I'm hoping that I can change that." He drew in a loud breath above her, his arm tightening around her back. "I want to create a space where someone like you and me can be just who and what we want to be… A place where we won't have to hide our relationship. And I think that I can make it happen." She pulled slightly away from him to look into his wide eyes. "Suzaku, will you help me create such a place?"

He stared at her in astonishment for a moment, but then his features softened. His voice was suddenly thick with emotion. "Euphie, there's nothing that I'd rather do." He leaned his forehead against hers, and their lips crashed together in a long, meaningful kiss. She wished that it would never end, yet she recognized, even before he pulled away, that that was a naïve thought.

She hugged herself close to him once more, wanting to savor his warmth as best as she could for as long as possible. She knew that there was a good chance that he would have to sneak out before she woke up in the morning so that they wouldn't be caught. But just the notion that it might not always have to be like that made it seem tolerable. _Yes. _Euphie's fist curled against his shoulder again. What she and many others for that matter needed was to change things for the better. And she was going to. They wouldn't have to part. They could be together always.

Euphie's lips curled into a happy smile at the thought, and even as she drifted away in her sleep, her smile and the dream she was going to make a reality followed her.

_**XXX**_

**A/N: That's a wrap! I apologize for the foreshadowing ending and shoving Euphie's impending death in your face like that - and after making you read this entire thing, too... I actually never really intended for this fic to be so long. But I wanted to try writing a somewhat realistic account of how Suzaku's and Euphie's first time might unfold. This because I haven't always found it very convincing when I've read stories of two characters being together for the first time, who then immediately get very hot and heavy and do all kinds of wild, complicated things... But each to their own, of course! Hopefully, I achieved my goal. Let me know what you thought of the story in the comments, if you want. Constructive criticism (and praise, of course!) is always welcomed. :) Lots of love to you all and thanks for reading!**


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